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89 Things That Get You Left-Swiped on Tinder

10 Jun 20152 Comments

As one of the only 12 women in Delhi on Tinder, I find myself spoilt for choice when it comes to picking a potential date out of the scores and scores of men located close to me.

LOL, I joke – that never happens.
Why? Because 199 out of 200 profiles that pop up on my Tinder include one or more of the following deal breakers

Here’s my Holy Grail of The Tinder Left Swipe.

1. Spiked hair
2. Sideswept hair (aka The Bieber)
3. Upswept hair (aka The Zayn)
4. Photo taken in a first world country
5. Photo taken in a gulf country
6. Photo taken in any other country
7. Cultural appropriation
8. Aviators
9. Wayfarers
10. Sunglasses indoors
11. Sunglasses at night
12. Sunglasses
13. Hawaiian shirt

Devil horns = cool++

14. Button down shirt
15. Shirt with tie
16. Polo shirt
17. Polo shirt with popped collar
18. T-shirt that witty slogan that is not witty at all
19. Banyaan
20. Shirtless
21. Shorts
22. Throwing gang signs
23. Awkward casual pose
24. Jesus Christ pose
25. Manspreading
26. Wacky shenanigans!!!!

Classic bathroom selfie

27. Alcohol-brandishing
28. Non ironic religious symbolism
29. Pensive moment
30. Selfie with visible camera/cellphone
31. Hotel room selfie
32. Changing room selfie
33. Bathroom selfie
34. Obvious selfie
35. Selfie collage
36. Selfie
37. Adventure sports
38. Outdoor activity
39. Health-freakery
40. One-with-nature-ness

I am the resurrection

41. Surrounded by women
42. Surrounded by offspring
43. Surrounded by grand offspring
44. Surrounded by any other people at all
45. Family photo
46. Photo with child(ren)
47. Photo with pet(s)
48. Photo with guitar
49. Photo with girlfriend
50. Photo with token foreigner

Never. Enough. Shredding.

51. Photo with bromance overload
52. In/on/against a motorcycle
53. …or a car
54. …or an SUV
55. …or a truck
56. In/on/against anything with wheels
57. At a club
58. In a restaurant
59. At a Bar
60. In a shopping mall
61. At the Gym
62. Chinbeard
63. With a Macbook
64. Starbucks
65. With a MacBook in Starbucks

So, uh, I work out.

66. Coldplay fan
67. Nickelback fan
68. EDM Fan
69. Non-ironic dubstep fan
70. Too many smileys
71. Any smileys
72. Txtspk
73. PoOr TyPiN sKiLlS
74. Photo with celebrity
75. Photo with wax statue of celebrity
76. Photo OF celebrity
77. Passport photo
78. Photo taken with flash

This is TOTALLY my car.

79. Photo taken with tiger
80. Motivational quote as photo
81. No photo
82. Unchanging facial expression across all photos
83. Pretending to work
84. Pretending to be on the phone
85. Pretending to be reading text messages
86. Pretending to have a life
87. “I’m a simple guy…”
88. “…looking for someone genuine”
89. “…with a great sense of humour!”

Maybe you think the list is grossly unfair.
Maybe there’s something you’d like to add.
Whatever your view, I’ll grudgingly hear you out in the comments.


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2 Replies to “89 Things That Get You Left-Swiped on Tinder”

  1. Here is MY list of left swipes:

    1. Photo holding dog who clearly doesn’t want to be in the photo.
    2. Wedding photo with stare-y chacha, chipku sasur, judgemental saas, horny hubbie, etc.
    3. Mehndi on hands photo
    4. Photo of different babies
    5. Only one photo with five women (which one are you??!!…probably the one who clicked the photo!)
    6. “Here 2 find tru luv”
    7. Disney princess photo
    8. Leopard print dress
    9. Leopard print handbag
    10. Leopard print
    11. Leopard
    12. Dyed blonde hair (like EW, dude)
    13. Blue contact lenses
    14. Sitting on a Zebra pattern couch wearing Zebra pattern clothes surrounded by pictures of Zebras (relax boss)
    15. Photo holding babies
    16. “Here to expand my aura and rejuvenate my chakras”
    17. Long description surrounding one’s sunsign
    18. “I lov 2 reads Shakespeere”
    19. Glittery phone cover
    20. The same photo five times
    21. Same pose in all the photos taken in very different locations
    22. Chetan Bhagat quotes
    23. Photo reading a Chetan Bhagat novel
    24. Chetan Bhagat
    25. Photo of Aashiqui 2 movie poster
    26. “You don’t know me” (of course i don’t! Jeezus!)
    27. “I am not one in a million but once in a lifetime.”
    28. Photo of just handbags
    29. Photo of heels
    30. Emo quotes and feels
    31. Honeymoon photos
    32. Photo of a burning candle
    33. Sunset
    34. “Here’s my BBM pin” (you STILL use that?)

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